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Take a breather before you respond

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 19:34:23 GMT

From Reaction to Response: A Leadership Shift That Changes Everything

From Reaction to Response: A Leadership Shift That Changes Everything

The other day, I had a conversation with a client that really stuck with me.

He was sharing how, in moments of frustration with his team—like when someone didn’t greet a customer or took a longer lunch than expected, he’d find himself reacting instantly. A curt comment here, a passive-aggressive tone there. No big blowups, but enough to leave tension in the air.

It’s such a human thing to do, right? We care about the work, we want things to go well, and when they don’t, we react. Fast. Almost automatically.

But here’s the thing: great leadership lives in the space between stimulus and response.

We talked about the power of pausing, even if it’s just for a few seconds. That moment can be the difference between leading from frustration or leading from intention.

Here’s what that pause might include:

1. Notice your emotions.
What’s actually going on inside you? Is it frustration, embarrassment, disappointment? Often, just naming what we’re feeling gives us a little distance from it.

2. Move from reaction to response.
A reaction is immediate, emotionally charged, and often defensive. A response is thoughtful, clear, and rooted in what you truly want—for yourself and your team.

3. Practice equanimity.
This word doesn’t get used enough in leadership circles, but it should. Equanimity is the ability to remain calm and grounded in the middle of stress or chaos. It doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you can stay centered enough to choose your words and actions wisely.

This shift—from reaction to response—isn’t just about being a “nicer” leader. It’s about being an effective one. Someone people trust, feel safe around, and want to grow with.

So the next time your team misses the mark, take a beat. Breathe. Get curious before you get critical. You might be surprised how much more impact you can have when you lead from a calm, grounded place.

Mindfulness: Not just for the Enlightened, also for the Overwhelmed

site-VPv4NA — Wed, 11 Dec 2024 00:40:09 GMT

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Let’s be honest: when you hear “mindfulness,” you might picture someone sitting cross-legged on a mountain, breathing deeply, surrounded by a perfect sunrise. And if you’re in a high-stress job—juggling emails, deadlines, and endless meetings—your first thought might be, “Must be nice, but I don’t have time for that.”

Here’s the reality: mindfulness isn’t about becoming a zen master. It’s about gaining small, science-backed tools to reduce stress, improve focus, and show up as your best self—even in the chaos of a demanding career. And guess what? Neuroscience and psychology are backing it up big time.

What is Mindfulness, Really?

At its core, mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It’s not about emptying your mind or reaching enlightenment—it’s about noticing what’s happening now, so you can respond instead of react.

Think of it as training your brain, just like you’d train your body at the gym.

The Science Behind Mindfulness and Stress

Here’s where it gets interesting. Research in neuroscience shows that mindfulness physically changes your brain:

Less Stress = Smaller Amygdala
The amygdala, the brain’s “fight-or-flight” center, shrinks with consistent mindfulness practice. That means fewer over-the-top stress responses when something goes wrong.
Sharper Focus = Stronger Prefrontal Cortex
Mindfulness strengthens the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for decision-making, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. Perfect for nailing that tough presentation or navigating difficult team dynamics.
Emotional Balance = Less Reactivity
Studies show that mindfulness reduces reactivity and increases your ability to respond thoughtfully in stressful situations. Imagine having a tough conversation without that emotional spike—game-changing, right?

Mindfulness is Practical: Not Just Woo-Woo

Here’s what mindfulness can look like in real life for someone in a high-stress role:

Two-Minute Breathers Between Meetings
Instead of jumping straight from one Zoom call to another, take two minutes to breathe deeply. It calms your nervous system and resets your focus.
The “STOP” Method for Overwhelm:

S top.
T ake a breath.
O bserve how you’re feeling.
P roceed intentionally.
Incredibly simple, incredibly effective.

Mindful Emails
Before you hit send on that fiery response, pause. Take a breath. Reread. Mindful communication reduces regret and builds stronger relationships.
Mindful Walks
Even 5 minutes of walking without your phone—just paying attention to the sights, sounds, and sensations—can boost your mood and clear your mind.

Mindfulness isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. If you’re in a high-stress job, it’s not a luxury; it’s a tool. A tool to help you navigate pressure, respond better, and reclaim a bit of peace in your day.

The science is clear: your brain will thank you, your colleagues will notice, and you’ll feel the difference.

It turns out, you don’t need to live on a mountain to be mindful. You just need a moment.

It’s ok, not to be ok.

Mon, 07 Mar 2022 19:21:44 GMT

How to manage the waves.

This year has not started off as brilliantly as I had hoped, half of the family got Covid, we were trying to work with kids at home, our furnace broke, our basement flooded, insurance wasn’t cooperating, just one thing after another. The worlds heaviness added to it: Ukraine, Covid, climate change. It got me into a funk, the positive side was hard to find, my inner critic took me to town, and everything just felt heavy.

I am sure everyone recognizes those days, because we ALL have them. There is no escape. And that is just what we try to do, escape the dark days. We tell ourselves we are fine, we can white-knuckle it, we numb ourselves in whatever way, and hope it passes quickly.

From an early age we hear that we need to be resilient, get up, dust yourself off, and move on. But that is not all that resilience is. Resilience is also understanding that life isn’t always easy, it’s listening to yourself, allowing your emotions, going through them. THEN coming out on the other end, getting up and feeling ready to take on the world (or a tiny bit of it), because of that journey. It is much more self-compassionate than just getting on with life, saying everything is fine.

There is power in allowing yourself to go through emotions. It helps us grow our understanding of ourselves so that the next time the storm comes, we recognize these feelings, we know how to move through them a little faster and the waves feel more manageable. It also helps our connection with people. When we reach out, it deepens our relationships. And even if we don’t connect to others in the moment, it helps us be able to be more empathic when others are going through a rough patch.

What would it look like if you would give yourself permission to not be ok? Maybe start by acknowledging it? Then be curious, practice self-compassion, and take care of yourself. There are some simple ways to help you work through your discomfort, like meditation, physical activity, tapping, journaling, talking to a friend, a therapist, a coach.

So tell me next time you are feeling these emotions, will it be ok to not be ok?

Taking the spotlight on social media

Sun, 13 Feb 2022 21:42:38 GMT

Three simple rules to keep in mind when sharing on social media

Who hasn’t heard of the Joe Rogan debacle by now? Discussions heat up on social media, between friends, and in families: Should Joe Rogan stay or go? Should others stay or leave? Cancel culture, freedom of speech, capitalism, greed, public health, and political alignment, they all come together in this debate.

Discussions have become hardened and it seems nuance has left our vocabulary. You are either for or against, choose which side you are on and stick with it. The openminded have become judgmental, the empaths are hating on the stuck-ups, and the moderates have taken sides. As a result some feel emboldened to say whatever they feel like and disregard the impact of their words. Others have stopped taking part in discussions out of fear for repercussions on their comments. And yet we need discussion more than ever, openminded conversations, listening to one another, being open to feedback. We need to welcome new voices, different voices, voices who are scared to give their opinion and say it anyway.

So how do we show up, how do we speak up, and how do we support those who are giving the spotlight a go? As I was thinking of creating this list of 5 Do’s or 7 rules that, reading from top to bottom, form the word EMPATHY, etc., I kept coming back to three simple rules that my daughter learns in elementary school:

1. Be kind – Check in with yourself: Would you want anyone to say this about you? About your group, your circle, your family? You can get your point across without being aggressive. People do not have to agree with you, you can say things that aren’t popular beliefs, and you can spread ideas that go against the grain. And you can remain kind.

2. Be respectful – Listen to others, show empathy, be grateful, acknowledge people, say thank you, appreciate differences, respect boundaries, speak with integrity. Simple gestures like these bring us a long way.

3. Do your best – So often people just blurt whatever comes to mind first without any consideration, not paying attention to the impact it might have. When you actively try to get the best words out there, you’ll find yourself thinking twice and checking in.

In my work, I help people to find their voice and step into the spotlight. The spotlight is there in many ways; being a leader in your company, starting a women’s group in the male dominated tech-space, launching a book, or a political campaign. Everyone who seeks the spotlight comes to a point where they realize that this is their moment to speak up. And then, fear sets in. The negative self-talk starts and the inner judge comes up with a million reasons not to speak up. Then the fear of what others might think is added to the mix. And yet working through these fears and doing it anyway is so worth it. Because that’s how we grow, personally and as a community. So let’s talk, let’s get out in the spotlight and have conversations, and let’s be kind and respectful to one another so we can grow together.